I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
