I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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