I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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