You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
