Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
