i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
