no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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