Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
