WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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