If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
