she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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