bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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