I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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