I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
