no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
