if i can run in heels then i can drive
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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