Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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