I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
