oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
