if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
