I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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