That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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