yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
