Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
