be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Quick, to the slutcave!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
