Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Come see our sink grown plant.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Pants are for mortals
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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