just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
