There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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