It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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