If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
