If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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