I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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