no, he came in my armpit
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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