so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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