She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
thus making me awesome and them whores
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
