You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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