I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I checked into jail on foursquare
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
