he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
