Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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