put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
