So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
