Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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