it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
