Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
