so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
