My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
