I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize