my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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