Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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