I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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