maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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