Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
