We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
