WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm both gender and math confused
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
