Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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