shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's paint friendship bongs
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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