he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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