you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
