I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
