I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My liver just broke up with me...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
