Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
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