you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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