I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
This house was built for laser tag.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
