I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She has the best kind of daddy issues
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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