You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
