u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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