mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
