I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
God, I missed his penis.
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