Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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