Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
