hell yes lets make some ravioli
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He? As in you personified your dick?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
