so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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