so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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