We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
