perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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