I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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