I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
high people should be assigned attendants
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
