Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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