Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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