so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
