VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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