I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
