last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
