But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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