I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
