Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
