she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
