mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
