hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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