I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
