Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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